


All I Want

by Misty1886



Series: Help Me Out Series [3]
Category: TharnType the Series (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Medical Jargon, Sad, Sad Ending, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23107531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty1886/pseuds/Misty1886
Summary: Based on the song with the same name by Kodaline(This is my interpretation of the lyrics)What do you do when you've lost your whole world? Start looking for a way to bring it back, by any means necessary.
Relationships: Tharn Kirigun/Type (TharnType)
Series: Help Me Out Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629505
Comments: 18
Kudos: 63





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riadanian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riadanian/gifts).



> So... This happened.  
> This turned out a bit sadder than I originally intended, but I hope you like it all the same.
> 
> Also, TW: Suicide

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

_'Cause if I could see your face once more_

_I could die a happy man I'm sure_

Type was once again staring at a picture of himself and Tharn. They looked so happy, both laughing when Techno had snapped the picture. He can't remember just what they were laughing at, but it didn't matter. They were happy.

After so long in denial, he'd finally accepted the relationship between Tharn and himself. It took him almost getting strangled by Lhong, but he knew he'd made the right decision.

But that all meant nothing now. Tharn was gone and this time, Type couldn't get him back.

***

_**8 months earlier...** _

"Ai'Tharn, I really think you should see a doctor." Type said as he handed Tharn a glass of water to take some Ibuprofen. He had yet another banging headache.

"It's fine. I've just been working too hard." Tharn dismissed.

"Please? For me. Would you see a doctor?" Type begged.

Tharn blinked in shock. Type never begs, he must be worried. A sleepy smile graced his face.

"Okay baby. I'll go to a doctor."

"Good. Now go and lay down, you look like you're going to fall off that chair."

"Mmm, sounds like a good idea." Tharn's words were slightly slurred.

Type's eyebrows furrowed in worry.

Tharn stood up and immediately started to sway. Type was quick to wrap his arm around Tharn's waist and guide him over to the bed.

"The sooner we get you that appointment, the better." Type said as he helped Tharn into bed.

Tharn fell asleep almost instantly. Type gently brushed a stray hair from Tharn's face. Type was worried about his boyfriend. Something was definitely wrong.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" The doctor sat across from them asked.

Tharn rubbed the back of his neck nervously, how did he explain everything?

"He keeps getting really bad headaches. He's tired more than normal. He's said that his vision goes funny sometimes when he's playing drums and that his muscles hurt more than they should. And he's... He's blacked out once." Type answered.

Tharn glared at him. Type just shrugged.

"You wouldn't have told him everything."

"Okay. And how long has he had these symptoms?" The doctor asked, now speaking to Type.

"The headaches and tiredness has been going on for a couple of months, but the other stuff is more recent. Only in the past few weeks." Type replied.

"Right. Well, obviously it could be a number of things. But I'd like to run some tests if that's okay with you?"

Type elbowed Tharn.

"Yes. That's fine." Tharn answered, rubbing the spot Type had elbowed.

"Wonderful. I'll organise the necessary tests and be in touch with the dates."

"Thank you doctor." Type said, pulling Tharn up.

Tharn sighed. All he could do now was to go through with these tests and wait for the results.

The next few weeks were far too busy for Tharn's liking. Between classes and band practice (yes, he still went despite Type's protests), he had to go for a CT scan, an MRI scan and have 2 lots of bloods taken because the hospital misplaced the first lot. Tharn felt even more exhausted than he did before he want to see the doctor.

Tharn had just flopped down on the bed when his phone rung. Groaning, he fumbled on the bedside table before getting hold of the wretched device.

"Hello?"

"Mr Kirigun?" A woman asked.

"Speaking."

"Hello. My name is Preeda, I'm calling from the local GP surgery. We have your tests results." Her voice was stern.

"Oh, okay. Err, when can I-"

"The doctor would like you to come in as soon as possible." Preeda said, cutting Tharn off.

"I can come in tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, that'll be fine. See you tomorrow Mr Kirigun." The call ended before Tharn could say anything else.

Tharn looked at his phone in shock. That woman certainly didn't seem like someone you'd want to piss off. He chuckled slightly before remembering the reason of the phone call.

His test results were in.

They'd be able to tell him what was wrong with him, if anything. But with how that woman had sounded on the phone, they must have found something. He only hoped it wasn't too bad.

It was bad. 

"I'm sorry. He has a what now?" Type asked, his leg shaking slightly.

"He has a grade III anaplastic astrocytoma. It's a rare malignant brain tumour."

_Brain tumour._

"But... How is that possible?" Tharn asked quietly, the information not fully sinking in.

"Honestly, the specific cause is hard to pinpoint."

"You can remove it right?" Type asked.

Tharn looked over at his boyfriend and saw that his eyes were glassy. Type was trying not to cry.

The doctor hesitated at Type's question. Tharn frowned. Why didn't he just answer the god damned question?!

"Well? Can you remove it or not?" Tharn asked.

"No. We can't operate." Came the reply.

"Why not?!" Type demanded. "You're a doctor. Fix it!"

Tears were streaming from Type's eyes now.

"Calm down baby." Tharn said, drawing Type close to him.

Tharn was on the verge of tears himself. Why did this have to happen to him? Hasn't he had to deal with enough?

"We can't operate due to the tumour's location but, there are other treatments available." The doctor said.

"And what are those treatments?" Tharn questioned.

And so the discussion went on. 

The treatments that were available, the medication Tharn would have to take, all the risks involved and what would happen should the treatment fail. That was something neither Tharn or Type wanted to even think about, so they quickly ended the discussion there.

By the time Tharn and Type left the surgery, they were both mentally and emotionally drained. They wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed together and just forget everything. So that's what they did. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

Telling Tharn's family had been awful. It was something Type wished he'd never had to witness.

Tharn's mum broke down crying, his dad trying to comfort her whilst trying to keep his own tears at bay. P'Thorn wasn't faring much better. He grabbed Tharn and pulled him into a tight hug; tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. And Thanya. Sweet little Thanya. It broke Type's heart to see her cry. She was too precious to cry.

Type wordlessly opened his arms for her. She ran and buried her face in his chest.

There were no words that could make this any better, so no-one spoke. It was Tharn who eventually broke the silence.

"They're going to start the treatment next week."

"Will it make you better?" Thanya asked from her place in Type's arms.

"Hopefully, yeah. It's going to take a while though." Tharn replied, forcing a smile for his sister.

"Okay." 

No more was said.

When Tharn and Type arrived back at their condo later that night, Tharn finally broke down.

"Why? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why does my family constantly have to see me suffer? Why do they suffer? Why do you have to suffer?"

The burning questions kept tumbling from Tharn's mouth. Type had no answers, he just pulled Tharn into his arms and held him close. Tears were falling from Type's eyes but he made no move to brush them away, more would only replace them. They didn't go to bed that night, they stayed wrapped around each other on the sofa, both lost in thoughts of the future.

The treatment Tharn underwent was harsh and came with its own set of side effects. But it was worth it to get rid of the tumour currently lurking in his brain.

"I miss running my hands through your hair." Type pouted as hands gently skimmed over Tharn's head. There was far less hair there than before the treatment started. 

"Oi! I thought you said you'd love me no matter what?" Tharn said grabbing Type's waist and pulling him into a hug.

"Idiot, of course I love you. Come on, we'll be late again and I do not want to try and think of another excuse to give the nurse whilst you stand there smirking." Type said, slapping at Tharn's hands.

"Aww, you're no fun. Guess we'll just have to make up for it later." Tharn said with a cheeky grin.

Type pressed a firm kiss to his lips.

"I'll hold you to that."

They never had their fun when they got home. The conversation they'd had with Tharn's doctor weighed too heavy on both their minds.

_"The treatment isn't working."_

_Tharn and Type just stared at him. How could it not be working? Tharn was feeling better, other than the side effects of his treatment._

_"But, I feel better."_

_The doctor sighed._

_"The tumour isn't shrinking like it should. All the treatment is doing is preventing it from growing but that isn't enough. And we can't even be sure how long that will last. We can't keep you on this treatment forever and long term use of the medication prescribed isn't recommended."_

_"So, what else can you do?" Type asked. "Surely there are other things you can try?"_

_"I'm sorry. The tumour still can't be removed and other forms of treatment would be ineffective. Especially since this has failed."_

_"How long?" Tharn asked, eyes downcast. "How long do I have left?"_

_The doctor didn't answer straight away._

_"Please."_

_"Six months at the most."_

It was a conversation Type would never forget.

More tears and wails of anguish filled Tharn's family home when the news was delivered. Tharn didn't even try to sugar coat it. What was the point? It wouldn't make it any easier to accept. 

Tharn officially moved back home so he could spend his remaining days with his family. Type moved with him, no-one protested. Tharn's parents were happy that their son had found someone who cared about him so much; sad as it was that he would soon have to say a permanent goodbye to that person. 

Tharn slowly got weaker as time went by. He needed help with even the most trivial of things. Type was always right by his side to help. He was going to keep his promise of never leaving him again. 

The day Tharn took his last breath had started out like any other. Type helping him with his breakfast then helping him freshen up. Tharn cracked a small smile as he watched Type's face who's expression was one of deep concentration.

"I love you." Tharn said. 

"I love you too." Type answered easily.

"Forever and always." 

"You're such a sap." Type said with a fond shake of his head. "Now, get some rest. I promised Thanya I'd listen to her new song."

"Mmm, okay." 

Type had no idea that that would be his last conversation with Tharn. It wasn't until P'Thorn came running into the dinning room an hour later, almost hyperventilating that the reality of the situation hit him. Something had happened to Tharn.

Type ran to Tharn's room and came to an abrupt halt in the doorway. There, laid on the bed exactly where he'd left him, was Tharn. Completely motionless but with a small smile on his lips. 

It was over.

***

A stray tear rolled down Type's cheek as he remembered that day. Even right until the end Tharn still smiled. Type wished he could smile too.

Type knew Techno and Champ were worried about him. He'd lost weight and had pretty much stopped talking. He didn't want them to worry but he just didn't have the motivation to keep on going.

His thoughts drifted, not for the first time, to the small bottle of prescription pills hidden at the bottom of his wardrobe. They were Tharn's. No-one knew he'd kept a bottle of those pills. No-one had to know.

He always stopped himself from downing the lot by thinking about what Tharn would say. Tharn wouldn't want him to live the rest of his life like this. Tharn would want him to be happy.

Tharn wasn't here.

Tharn.

Wasn't.

_Here._

Type made his decision. 

One by one, Type swallowed the pills, the picture of Tharn and himself firmly gripped in his other hand. By the time he'd swallowed the last pill, he was already feeling woozy. Type placed, the now empty, bottle on the bedside table before settling down and waiting for sleep to claim him.

As his eyelids began to droop, Type could have sworn he saw Tharn sitting beside him, smiling. A small smile made it's way onto Type's lips as his eyes finally slid closed.

Several hours later when Techno and Champ finally forced their way in after receiving no response from Type, the sight that greeted them broke both their hearts.

Type was curled up in bed, his most beloved photo clutched in his hand and a small smile on his face.

It was the first time they'd seen Type smile in so long.

Type was finally happy again. He was with the man he loved. His Tharn.

Forever and always.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me longer than I thought, but I hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> I did take some liberties with Tharn's medical condition, there probably was more the doctors could have done, but for the sake of the story, I wrote it that way.


End file.
